Concerning Pumpkin Spice
by Llampaca Eating Guppy
Summary: Every year when the armageddon of pumpkin spice came, Jack threw himself into the tidal wave. Damian hid behind his umbrella and prayed it would somehow save him from drowning.
1. Chapter 1

**Concerning Pumpkin Spice**

 **Summary: Every year when the armageddon of pumpkin spice came, Jack threw himself into the tidal wave. Damian hid behind his umbrella and prayed it would somehow save him from drowning.**

…

Damian only had one real complaint about fall, and it involved foods coming in flavors that should not be legal and a certain someone who brought them into his presence.

In other words, pumpkin spice and Jack. Every year when the armageddon of pumpkin spice came, Jack threw himself into the tidal wave. Damian hid behind his umbrella and prayed it would somehow save him from drowning. Or at least keep the nausea under control at the smell of pumpkin spice pickles. Thank goodness Jack hadn't been able to find _those_ again this year.

That hardly made the sight of Jack pouring pumpkin spice milk into pumpkin spice cereal, complete with little pumpkin-shaped marshmallows, easier to see. "Do you even like that garbage, or do you just eat it because horrifying me gives you some twisted sense of enjoyment?"

Jack smirked. "Well, horrifying you is a nice perk, I'm not going to lie." He took a gulp of the milk out of the jug.

"That was incredibly unnecessary."

"I know." He shoved a heaping spoonful of food into his mouth. Damian tried to pretend that it was a normal bowl of cereal and ignore the fact that the milk was a weird color. It only halfway worked.

Jack gave him an annoyed look. "Oh please, Damian, just because your taste buds aren't refined enough to appreciate pumpkin spice doesn't mean that you have to look at me as if I'm eating a piece of roadkill."

"You don't have refined taste buds. Sometimes I wonder if you have a sense of taste at all."

"I have a very refined taste!"

"Putting chocolate syrup on a chicken sandwich doesn't mean you have a refined taste; it means your stomach is made of scrap iron."

"That was one time!"

"Oh yeah? What about your pickle-and-marshmallow s'mores?"

"Pickles and marshmallows are good together!"

"No, they're not. You've made me try that combination. Multiple times."

"That's it, I'm not talking to you."

"Oh good, then I won't have to bring up the fact that you dip strawberries in nacho cheese." Jack gave him a foul look, but didn't answer. Damian smirked and glanced at the clock. Jack could only keep up the silent treatment for so long. "Wow, it's going to be so nice and quiet around here."

It lasted exactly two hours and forty-seven minutes, which almost beat his record. "Damian, check out this pumpkin spice burrito!"

"I thought you said you weren't talking to me," Damian quipped, although he still got up. Jack would nag him until he did, anyways. It was orange and did not smell anything like what a burrito should smell like. "What did they do to that poor burrito?"

"They put pumpkin in it! Do you want to try?"

"You know the answer to that."

Jack sighed and picked it up. "Fine, be the Mr. Scrooge of fall."

"I'm not the Mr. Scrooge of fall!"

"Yes, you are. Years from now, the pumpkin-hating deviants of society will be insulted with the name Damian Hart."

Damian repressed the urge to mention that to many people, they were deviants of society. "I don't hate pumpkin, I just don't think it should be used as a universal flavor."

Jack froze mid-bite, blinked, and took the supposed burrito out of his mouth. "You _don't_ hate pumpkin?"

"No. Did you think I did?"

"Considering you've turned down literally every pumpkin-flavored thing I've ever offered you, yes."

"That's because pumpkin spice chips aren't a thing that should exist. Or toothpaste. Or milk, or gum-"

" _Okay_ , I get it. Then what is allowed to partake in the festive flavors of fall, Scrooge?"

"Gee, I don't know, maybe food that _isn't_ weird tasting like cinnamon and nutmeg."

Jack gave him a frustrated look. "I'm trying to include you in the fun, Damian. Help me out here."

"Do you seriously have no idea what is and isn't weird?" Damian flailed. Although on second thought, considering Jack's eating habits, that wouldn't surprise him at all. "Muffins? Pies? Normal things?"

"So, you like sweet pumpkin spice?"

"Sure, Jack. Sweet pumpkin spice. Let's go with that," he said tiredly.

Jack hummed in acknowledgement and bit a huge chunk out of his orange burrito. Damian left him to it.

The next morning, he walked into the kitchen to find a small mountain of pumpkin spice products on the table. Did Jack seriously eat all of what he bought last time already? It wasn't until he started to take a closer look at the labels that he noticed the pattern. Muffins, donuts, pancake mixes, cookies- wait.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jack did not-

 _I'm trying to include you in the fun, Damian. Help me out here._

Damian messaged his temples with a groan. "Why are you like this, Jack?" he muttered, more to himself than his roommate would still be asleep for the next few hours. Still, he didn't want all the money Jack must have spent in this stuff to be wasted, so he resignedly popped open a box of pumpkin spice muffins.

They turned out to be… fine. Damian definitely didn't eat the whole box of them or anything. Jack must have only bought one box of those, not two. It was the only logical explanation.

…

 **A/N: Here, take something that I threw together in two days and decided to post in attempt to help me feel less guilty about all of my other fanfics being uncooperative.**

 **I don't even really know why I wrote this, since I've never had most pumpkin spice flavored things (I'm allergic to most of them- yayy), but it popped into my head. And now, unfortunately for you, it's in your head. Thanks for reading, reviews and favorites are cherished in my soul, you know the drill. Hopefully I'll be able to pull one of my fanfics out of the black hole that is writers block soon ahahaha.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Concerning Pumpkin Spice, part 2**

What Jack found this time was terrible. The worst idea that someone could come up with, except for pumpkin spice nacho cheese. Damian was fairly certain that whoever had thought that up had also done the pumpkin spice pickles, since they were both so laughably incompatible with the flavor, and it was truly amazing to him that they still had a job. They really should have been fired, honestly, unless they were trying to specifically cater towards Jack and pregnant women with strange cravings. If that was the goal, they were doing great.

Whatever the reason, pumpkin spice spray simply should not have been something that existed. It gave Jack far too much power. Anything at all could now be turned into a pumpkin spice abomination with nothing but the sound of an aerosol can releasing its pastel orange contents. In the first day alone, it was used on his toast, pizza, chinese takeout, candy corn, popcorn, and god-knows-what-else that he had probably snacked on while Damian wasn't around. He was fairly certain he saw him spray it in Puppy's dog food.

One would think, with this new discovery, that Jack would have calmed down with his other pumpkin spice purchases, but no. There were the usual coffees, cereals, toothpastes, and new, awful ones he somehow ate, like nacho cheese. Complete with pumpkin spice-sprayed tortilla chips because Jack was never did anything halfway.

He was eating it when Damian caved and made his first comment of the season. "Jack, you both fascinate and disgust me sometimes, you know that?"

Jack just grinned at him. "You say, eating your pumpkin muffin," he said and popped a pumpkin shade of orange cheese-loaded tortilla chip into his mouth.

"That _you_ bought."

"For you. Those things are too boring."

"They're the only pumpkin spice thing in this house that's decent."

He gasped. "Honestly, Damian. That's just hurtful. And here I had gotten something else for you."

 _That_ put his apprehension levels up to 11 out of 10. "Oh, no."

"Oh, yes."

"No."

"Yep."

"No, no, no. I don't know what you did, but I am not trying it."

Jack rolled his eyes. "You don't even know what it is yet."

"Don't care."

"Don't you want to know?"

"Not really."

"You drink it…"

"Now I definitely don't want to know."

Jack, not at all caring, pulled a box out of the half-emptied grocery bag on the floor and put it in front of him. "Ta-da!"

He stared at it in a numb state of horror. "Tea," he said blankly. "You bought me pumpkin spice tea."

Jack looked incredibly pleased with himself for the situation. "Yes I did. I know you don't like coffee, so I thought this would be more your speed."

Damian took a deep breath and rested his face in his hands. "I… appreciate the thought, but I'm not so sure that you quite understand what I mean by 'normal pumpkin spice.' That just sounds awful."

"It does?" Jack asked, and Damian could hear the disappointment in his voice. "I mean, I thought it sounded gross, but I don't like tea, so I thought that you would like it. I can just throw it out, if you want."

He looked up to find Jack carrying it towards the garbage, looking like a kicked puppy. He let out a heavy sigh. "Bring it back here."

The way Jack's face lit up in an instant was as telltale sign that he was getting played like a fiddle. "Aw, Damian, you do care."

"This has nothing to do with you. You know how I am about wasting money."

The smirk he got in response gave him all he needed to know about how much Jack bought that excuse. Still, he resignedly went through with brewing a cup of it. Boil water, let it steep, pour some, let it cool. The good news was it smelled more like cinnamon and nutmeg than pumpkin. Eventually, he couldn't put off trying it any more. Jack was practically vibrating when he took a cautious sip.

And was instantly overwhelmed with the previously-mentioned spices. He set the mug down.

Jack frowned. "You don't like it, do you?"

"Let me try one thing first." He poured a considerable amount of milk into it and tried again. With the diluted flavor, it was at least palatable. "Look, I'll drink it, but just because you bought it already. Got it?"

Jack smiled sheepishly and Damian got the sinking feeling he was going to be drinking a lot of pumpkin spice tea regardless of what he said. "Now probably wouldn't be the best time to tell you that I bought three boxes, would it?"

…

 **Hi!**

 **I needed a quick de-stressor to just lighten the mood this weekend, and this was the result. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and have a good day. Back to preparing for exams with me!**


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